Nightmares...

I have been having trouble sleeping again, more nightmares… This time instead of demons or werewolves, my dreams are being invaded by something far more sinister…
Sharon Stone.



I know, pretty awful right? But this past night I had two separate dreams, both involving the horror, that is, Sharon Stone…

The first one involved me being trapped in a space ship or submarine type vehicle with her. She was crazy and killing off the crew with these stiff and sticky tiny blue strings she had coming out of the palms of her hands… They were coated with poison and barbed and she would sneak up behind people and touch them and one would pull off and stick into their skin and they would die…

Now to get around she was popping off the front of all the heating and air vents and sliding into the duct work like a snake… She would pop her face out and look around and come out and kill people…

So we installed these sweeping lasers to try to find her and when they went off we all had to hold perfectly still while they searched for the menace that is, Sharon Stone… At one point in my dream I was near a row of cat boxes and had to lay down on the floor for the laser to go over me, and while I lay there with my face near a box of doodie I thought, "That fucking Sharon Stone is going to pay for this. I am going to kill that bitch."

So I went to a room and lay on the floor to play dead, and I saw her starting to come out of the air vent and she looked at me and said, "Are you dead?" I sat up and said, "Yes I am, come on in." And of course being that it is Sharon Stone, she totally believed me and came slithering in…

At that point Malichai and the kittens woke me up so they could attack my face.



Yeah, they look all little and sweet and innocent there, but in five weeks from the time of this photo, they were little hellions that liked to attack my eyes during my REM sleep which was always a treat.

Anyhow, I moved them nicely away from my face with their razor claws still attached to my lip and forehead… Well, 8 am and me are just not buddies… So I went back to sleep only to be taunted by more horrid images of her…

This time I was running a strip club, and Sharon showed up there to dance to help promote her newest porno, oh I mean movie, Basic Instinct 2… She wore red hot pants and she talked very loud, like a drunken grandmother… Shrieking every thing she said and insisting I go buy her cheeseburgers... but I had no car and I was not willing to walk to buy her any.

Then I told her how my dad was really looking forward to seeing her new movie, because he is 55 and that is the same age as her tits.

Mercifully, I woke up at that point, before my father could show up to oogle Sharon's boobies…

But really people, I dare you to look into the face of Sharon Stone and not have nightmares about her… I double dare you… Go ahead, Google her…

Sweet dreams…

Oh and in case you think I am being a little rough on poor old Sharon, here are a few words of wisdom from her concerning sex, teens and date rape:

"Young people talk to me about what to do if they're being pressed for sex? I tell them what I believe. Oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex. If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them."